I'll be happy to...

Tyler and I just finished taking a five week course, "Becoming a Love and Logic Parent".  It was awesome!  The Love and Logic book is one of my "top five" parenting books and having a chance to study it more in depth, with an instructor, AND Tyler was great!  We both learned so much, now if we can truly apply it consistently...yes, that will be the test.

One of the most powerful concepts I learned and have really found effective as I've been trying to apply it the last few weeks is "enforceable statements".  After delivering a healthy, sincere, empathetic amount of empathy we can use these statements.  We all know the only person we can truly control is ourselves.  There is nothing worse than telling your child what to do and watching them not do it, especially when you are in little control of their actual action.  We can avoid this trap by using enforceable statements that tell our child what we will do or allow, rather than trying to tell them what to do.  There are several examples, including:
"I’ll take you guys the places you want to go in the car when I don’t have to worry about fighting in the back seat."
"I give treats to kids who protect their teeth by brushing."
Another favorite, "I’ll listen as soon as your voice is as calm as mine."
The BEST one for me is "I'll be happy to do ___whatever______, when you have done ______what I asked of you/what needs to be done, etc______."  So it could be "I'll be happy to listen to you as soon as your Dad and I are finished." or "I'll be happy to start that movie for you as soon as your room is picked up."

Most days at least three children are whining at once, needing something, demanding something else, but just saying the "I'll be happy..." part MAKES me more HAPPY!  I mean you can't really have an ugly tone for those words.  It's been great, because seriously I'm happy to do most things when asked nicely, obeyed, etc.  Ahhh!  Another tool for my little toolbox.