From my Grandma Jensen

On Mother's Day I spoke at church on Motherhood. 

Here is an experience I shared from one of my favorite "Moms".

It was the spring of 2005 and I was enjoying being the mother of a two and four year old with identical, twin girls on the way.  My pregnancy had gone well and I was nearing the end.  After a particularly long day being big and pregnant and caring for two toddlers I was anxious about how I would handle (survive really) life with two new babies coming soon.  My grandmother and I had always been close and she had always been a wonderful friend and support.  I began sharing some of my concerns with her one night on the phone.  Although, there were years and miles separating us, I could immediately feel her empathy, comfort, and love for me.

My grandmother had been there.  No she had not had four children in four and a half years.  Her experience as a young wife and mother had been far different and much harder.  She had give birth to five children.  Her first two babies were born exactly one year apart.  Away from her familiar, small home town in America, she was alone with two babies in Germany, (my grandfather was in the military) when during her third pregnancy her unborn baby was pronounced dead at five months along.  This was in the 1950's and there was nothing that her doctor would do for her.  The only solution he presented was to let nature "run its course" and her body would deliver her still-born baby by itself, which it did three months later.  Can you imagine her heartache each time, strangers, acquaintances, and friends, to whom she still appeared to be healthy and expecting, asked her how long until her baby would come?  My grandmother's journey of motherhood didn't get any easier as she delivered two more babies who died within minutes of birth.  Two decades later, she lost her son at age 25 in an accident, leaving her with only one of her five children alive. 

Knowing some of her struggles and how they didn't even compare to my fear of birthing and nursing two babies, getting a shower every day, and an occasional trip to Target by myself, I asked her how she did it.  How would I do it when life got hard and overwhelming for me?  Her response has buoyed me ever since.  She reassured me, "You just will.  You will get up every day and do the best you can."

And that is what I have done as a mother of five, born in eight years.  I get up every day and do the best job I can.  Some days it looks pretty good.  I'm showered, I've exercised, my house is picked up, there's a plan for dinner, and I'm "there" physically and emotionally for my children.  Other days it may not look as good, in fact it may look pretty ugly.  Maybe I'm rushing from one activity to the next, impatiently serving as children melt down all around me.

However, what I've learned from my grandmother is that each day as mothers we've got to try.  We've got to get up, get going, and do our best.  We've got to accept some days look better than others.  We've got to not judge other mothers who may be having one of "those" days and they deserve benefit of the doubt that they are doing their best.  It's too easy to slip into comparing our faults and weaknesses to another mother's talents and strengths.  Let's accept what we cannot change.  I'll never by an amazing seamstress like my mother-in-law or cook homemade wheat bread everyday like my friend (but sincere hooray for them!).  What I can do is get up every day and focus on doing and being my best, some days it may look fantastic! 

I love my grandmother and the many things I have learned from her life's experiences.